We impregnate our golden retrievers once a year to force them to continue providing fresh milk for your coffee, cereal, and baking needs. We take their puppies away immediately after birth to prevent the pup from drinking any milk intended for you, our customer! Most of the female puppies will join our line of dairy dog moms. Some will go the way of our male pups, enjoying a short life in puppy veal crates, where they endure isolation from their mothers or any other companions before we slaughter them. That lack of movement makes them super tender! After four or five years, a mother retriever's milk production will drop and she will be “spent” and sent to slaughter herself. Spent mother retriever is affordably delicious--if you don't have room in the deep freeze, you can always split one with your neighbor!

Little known fact—pomeranians lay eggs. As with other egg farms, we consider male pomeranians useless so they are ground up alive at birth. It's the female poms who lay eggs, and they have two years egg-laying at an unnatural frequency (thanks, selective breeding!). We stuff many of our poms into battery cages--these are wire cages with roughly the surface area of a piece of lined paper. However, for a higher price, you can get eggs from our cage-free poms, though we still force them to spend their short lives indoors (note this is an improvement over battery cages that the chihuahua-ken lives in). Price is per dozen!

We've bred our Great Pyrenees to produce unnaturally high quantities of fur. While it's so much hair they could die of heat exhaustion if they don't get shorn, we're always around to harvest that hair! We also dock their tails, either by cutting them off or putting a tight band is around it so that it eventually rots away--they can't feel it, so don't worry! Eventually, though, our Pyrenees's hair production declines, and since it's not profitable to care for these older dogs, we slaughter them. Contact us about our seasonal Pyrchops!